In a bizarre turn of events that’s got everyone scratching their heads, the Woke Brigade has launched a full-scale campaign demanding heartfelt apologies from historical figures who’ve been conveniently unavailable for comment.
Mostly because they’ve been dead for centuries, but that is besides the point here.
Picture this: a group of fervent activists marching through museum halls, armed with megaphones and clipboards, insisting that marble statues and oil paintings express remorse for past misdeeds.
One particularly animated protester was seen lecturing a bust of an ancient philosopher, waiting patiently for a response that, shockingly, never came. The air was thick with chants echoing off the walls, as if the sheer volume could summon ghostly confessions from beyond the grave, turning quiet exhibits into impromptu therapy sessions for the offended.
Not content with mere verbal demands, the Brigade has escalated things by drafting elaborate apology letters on behalf of these unresponsive icons, complete with flowery language about inclusivity and emotional reparations. Imagine the scene: volunteers huddled around laptops in coffee shops, typing furiously while debating whether a long-deceased explorer would prefer “deeply regretful” or “profoundly ashamed” in his scripted mea culpa. Passersby couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of grown adults role-playing as time-traveling mediators.
Pretending to channel the spirits of bygone eras through interpretive dance and heartfelt soliloquies. The absurdity reached new heights when a petition circulated online, garnering signatures faster than a viral cat video, all in the name of holding the voiceless accountable.
As the movement gains momentum, critics are left pondering the logistics of it all. How exactly does one extract an apology from someone who’s turned to dust?
The Woke Brigade, undeterred, presses on with plans for symbolic trials where empty chairs represent the accused, complete with dramatic reenactments and balloon animals for added flair. Whispers in the crowd suggest this could spark a trend, with future demands targeting fictional characters and even extinct animals for their historical insensitivities.
For now, the world watches in amused bewilderment, wondering if the next step involves séances or just more strongly worded emails to the afterlife.
