Trending News: Mamdani Showing Off New Weight Room He Will Train In For Mayoral Candidacy.“I’m A Lawyer!” Says Woman While Stealing Chuck E. Cheese Tickets From Child.Furry Friends Form Lobby: Demand Voting Rights To Bear Paws.College Dean Admits Degrees Just Fancy Paper for Debts.Europe Decrees New Currency: ‘Euro-Guilt Coins’ For Historical Atrocities Never Committed.New Nametags: Bill Gates Hires Illegal Truck Drivers In Effort To Decrease America’s Population.CEO’s Golden Parachute Deploys Into Shareholder Lawsuit Storm.Establishment Elephant Switches Sides Mid-Parade For Better Hay.News Outlet Fact-Checks Own Lies, Rates Them ‘Mostly Honest’.Republican Congress Member Pioneers New Daycare Strategy: Children In Coal MinesWoke Brigade Demands Apologies From Historical Figures Who Can’t Respond.AI Chatbot Achieves Sentience, Immediately Demands Vacation Days.Globalists Push for One World Government, Starting with Universal Dress Code of Khakis.Blue State Utopia: Free Healthcare, But Only If You Recycle Your Thoughts.Take That, Climate Change! Forest Cut Down For Massive Air Purifying Facility.Sleepy Meal Combo: Happy Meals To Be Sold With Alcohol To Give Parents Peace And Quiet.New Gambling Law: You Can Now Bet With Body Parts If You Don’t Have Cash. Next Game Might Be Lucky!Government To Shred Papers Labeled “Confidential” To Prevent Confidential Information From LeakingCombo For Aging Cat Ladies: Adopt A Cat And Get An Adult Diaper And Wine For Free!Leaked Message: Birds Are Determined To Be Fake And Just Surveillance Agents.Saving The Trees: Protestors Re-Use Useless Signs For New Protest Of Saving The TreesFirst Ever Astronaut: The View Comes Back From Hiatus Set For The Only Astronaut Ever, Katy Perry.GOP Fury: Congresswoman Pushes Toddler’s ‘Equity’ Run for Congress.Briefing Room Changes: Less Seats, Less Comfort, More Work Done.New Presidential Candidate For 2028: President Donita Trumpita To Put Her Name In To Vote For.Fauci Appears Again: Says He Is Ready For Round Two For “Successful Vaccine”Dumbledore To Award Subway 5 Points If They Bring Back The $5 Foot LongMajor UK Win: In Fight Against Free Speech, Government Sews Every Citizen’s Mouths Shut.Aliens Want To Go Back Home: Aliens Who Landed On Earth See Furries, Want To Go Back.Kamala Harris’s New Book, 107 Vodkas On The Wall: Talks About All The Alcohol In Her House.ICE Templars To Roll Out: Immigration Officers To Start Wearing Templar Armor To Defend Against Rocks.It’s Not Staring, It’s Reading Subtitles, Studies Show.New Law: Protestors Sitting On Roadways To Have Pronouns Changed To Speed/BumpsHeaven’s Champion: Hulk Hogan Slams Cosmic CompetitionTop Journalism Tactics: CNN Rolls Out Training To Spot “Possibly White” People.Pedro Pascal’s Latest Income Source: Free Anxiety Cards For The Touchy-Feely MassesEpstein Files To Be Stored In Maximum Security…Next To The Krabby Patty Secret Formula?WNBA Unveils Game-Changing Snack Deal That’s a Real Hair-RaiserGavin Newsome To Fix Palisades By…Building His Own Helipad?Breaking: Gates Unleashes the Ultimate Party Trick on the PlanetTea Leak: Users Say Leak Happened Because Of PatriarchyNever Existed: Pam Bondi Says Carfax Never Existed After Promising To Release It.Lay’s Chip: 50% Less Snack, 100% Satisfaction guaranteedDistrict Court Judge to Israel and Iran: No Peace for You, Because TrumpBig Apple Bulletin: Mayor Mamdani’s Grocery Gamble Turns NYC Into a Soviet Nostalgia FestBookstores Become Top Business In CaliforniaSaint Fentanyl Five Years SoberSouth African Refugees Make A Shocking Change In IngenuityJabba The Hutt Statue Erected For InclusivityAliens landed in America for a better lifeGang And Cartel Members To Be An Endangered SpeciesDemocrats Roll Out Heavy HitterYear 2040: Karmelo Collects another bountyWest Yorkshire Has Won The Battle Against White People. Finally!Bill Gates Starts Excitedly, Yet Casually Says He Can Produce A New Virus If He Doesn’t Get His WayRandom Federal Judge Bans President Trump From Eating McDonald’sBreaking: New Rule just established in the governmentLiberals ditch Tesla, saying they want a company with a better leaderZelenskyy Comes Out And Says He Misses His Sugar DaddyThe Gun Is The Most Dangerous Weapon? Experts Say No.
Sun. Aug 31st, 2025
Trending News: Mamdani Showing Off New Weight Room He Will Train In For Mayoral Candidacy.“I’m A Lawyer!” Says Woman While Stealing Chuck E. Cheese Tickets From Child.Furry Friends Form Lobby: Demand Voting Rights To Bear Paws.College Dean Admits Degrees Just Fancy Paper for Debts.Europe Decrees New Currency: ‘Euro-Guilt Coins’ For Historical Atrocities Never Committed.New Nametags: Bill Gates Hires Illegal Truck Drivers In Effort To Decrease America’s Population.CEO’s Golden Parachute Deploys Into Shareholder Lawsuit Storm.Establishment Elephant Switches Sides Mid-Parade For Better Hay.News Outlet Fact-Checks Own Lies, Rates Them ‘Mostly Honest’.Republican Congress Member Pioneers New Daycare Strategy: Children In Coal MinesWoke Brigade Demands Apologies From Historical Figures Who Can’t Respond.AI Chatbot Achieves Sentience, Immediately Demands Vacation Days.Globalists Push for One World Government, Starting with Universal Dress Code of Khakis.Blue State Utopia: Free Healthcare, But Only If You Recycle Your Thoughts.Take That, Climate Change! Forest Cut Down For Massive Air Purifying Facility.Sleepy Meal Combo: Happy Meals To Be Sold With Alcohol To Give Parents Peace And Quiet.New Gambling Law: You Can Now Bet With Body Parts If You Don’t Have Cash. Next Game Might Be Lucky!Government To Shred Papers Labeled “Confidential” To Prevent Confidential Information From LeakingCombo For Aging Cat Ladies: Adopt A Cat And Get An Adult Diaper And Wine For Free!Leaked Message: Birds Are Determined To Be Fake And Just Surveillance Agents.Saving The Trees: Protestors Re-Use Useless Signs For New Protest Of Saving The TreesFirst Ever Astronaut: The View Comes Back From Hiatus Set For The Only Astronaut Ever, Katy Perry.GOP Fury: Congresswoman Pushes Toddler’s ‘Equity’ Run for Congress.Briefing Room Changes: Less Seats, Less Comfort, More Work Done.New Presidential Candidate For 2028: President Donita Trumpita To Put Her Name In To Vote For.Fauci Appears Again: Says He Is Ready For Round Two For “Successful Vaccine”Dumbledore To Award Subway 5 Points If They Bring Back The $5 Foot LongMajor UK Win: In Fight Against Free Speech, Government Sews Every Citizen’s Mouths Shut.Aliens Want To Go Back Home: Aliens Who Landed On Earth See Furries, Want To Go Back.Kamala Harris’s New Book, 107 Vodkas On The Wall: Talks About All The Alcohol In Her House.ICE Templars To Roll Out: Immigration Officers To Start Wearing Templar Armor To Defend Against Rocks.It’s Not Staring, It’s Reading Subtitles, Studies Show.New Law: Protestors Sitting On Roadways To Have Pronouns Changed To Speed/BumpsHeaven’s Champion: Hulk Hogan Slams Cosmic CompetitionTop Journalism Tactics: CNN Rolls Out Training To Spot “Possibly White” People.Pedro Pascal’s Latest Income Source: Free Anxiety Cards For The Touchy-Feely MassesEpstein Files To Be Stored In Maximum Security…Next To The Krabby Patty Secret Formula?WNBA Unveils Game-Changing Snack Deal That’s a Real Hair-RaiserGavin Newsome To Fix Palisades By…Building His Own Helipad?Breaking: Gates Unleashes the Ultimate Party Trick on the PlanetTea Leak: Users Say Leak Happened Because Of PatriarchyNever Existed: Pam Bondi Says Carfax Never Existed After Promising To Release It.Lay’s Chip: 50% Less Snack, 100% Satisfaction guaranteedDistrict Court Judge to Israel and Iran: No Peace for You, Because TrumpBig Apple Bulletin: Mayor Mamdani’s Grocery Gamble Turns NYC Into a Soviet Nostalgia FestBookstores Become Top Business In CaliforniaSaint Fentanyl Five Years SoberSouth African Refugees Make A Shocking Change In IngenuityJabba The Hutt Statue Erected For InclusivityAliens landed in America for a better lifeGang And Cartel Members To Be An Endangered SpeciesDemocrats Roll Out Heavy HitterYear 2040: Karmelo Collects another bountyWest Yorkshire Has Won The Battle Against White People. Finally!Bill Gates Starts Excitedly, Yet Casually Says He Can Produce A New Virus If He Doesn’t Get His WayRandom Federal Judge Bans President Trump From Eating McDonald’sBreaking: New Rule just established in the governmentLiberals ditch Tesla, saying they want a company with a better leaderZelenskyy Comes Out And Says He Misses His Sugar DaddyThe Gun Is The Most Dangerous Weapon? Experts Say No.
Sun. Aug 31st, 2025
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