In a jaw-dropping scheme that’s got conspiracy theorists swapping tinfoil hats for trucker caps, tech mogul Bill Gates is reportedly hiring undocumented drivers to pilot big rigs across America, allegedly to trim the population through sheer chaos on the highways. Sources close to the billionaire claim his plan hinges on unleashing a fleet of unlicensed semi-trucks to clog interstates, betting that fender-benders and traffic jams will naturally “downsize” the nation. With a wink and a spreadsheet, he’s supposedly luring drivers with promises of free energy drinks and CB radios tuned to motivational TED Talks.
The operation, dubbed “Freight Fiasco,” is said to be headquartered in California, where aspiring truckers are handed complimentary licenses faster than you can say “road rage.”
Authorities are baffled as applicants line up, clutching forged paperwork and dreams of hauling mystery cargo for Gates’ empire. At the same time, locals report seeing rigs swerving with bumper stickers reading “Honk if You Love Depopulation.” Critics argue this is less about strategy and more about someone misunderstanding the term “supply chain disruption,” but supporters insist it’s just innovative urban planning.
As the nation braces for impact, California’s DMVs are now offering express lanes for anyone willing to drive a 40-ton vehicle without training, complete with a free map app that only suggests left turns. Skeptics warn of impending gridlock nightmares, but Gates’ camp remains unfazed, hinting that the next phase involves self-driving trucks programmed to prioritize scenic routes over survival. If this catches on, expect highways to resemble demolition derbies, with the only winners being tow truck companies and conspiracy podcast hosts.
