In a stunning turn of events at a local CarFax office, employee Pam Bondi has left customers gobsmacked after promising a detailed vehicle history report for a 2015 Honda Civic, only to declare with a theatrical flourish that the car “never existed in the first place.” Customers, clutching their keys and sanity, were left questioning reality itself as Bondi, sporting a bedazzled name tag and an air of unshakable confidence, insisted the Civic was a “figment of their collective imagination.” With a wink and a shrug, she reportedly handed out blank sheets of paper labeled “Official Non-Existent Vehicle Report” before taking an extended lunch break at the taco truck across the street.
The scene unfolded Monday morning when local car shopper Jerry McFlurry arrived, eager to uncover the Civic’s past—any dings, dents, or dubious joyrides. Bondi, perched behind a desk overflowing with glitter pens and half-eaten donuts, took one glance at the VIN number and let out a dramatic gasp. “This car? Poof! Never was!” she proclaimed, tossing the paperwork into the air like confetti. When pressed for details, Bondi doubled down, spinning a tale of a “cosmic glitch” that erased the Civic from the automotive timeline.
“Maybe it’s in the Bermuda Triangle of Sedans,” she quipped, as McFlurry stared blankly, wondering if he’d accidentally wandered into a comedy sketch.
Outraged customers have since flooded the CarFax hotline, demanding answers or, at the very least, a refund. Bondi, however, remains unfazed, reportedly serenading her coworkers with a ukulele rendition of “Born to Be Wild” while insisting the entire database is “just vibes, not facts.” Her manager, visibly sweating through his polyester tie, attempted to intervene. Still, Bondi waved him off, claiming she’d seen the car’s “aura” and it was “definitely not road-legal in this dimension.”
Social media is ablaze with memes of Bondi as a time-traveling car eraser, with one viral post dubbing her “The VIN Reaper.”As the dust settles, CarFax corporate has promised a “thorough investigation.” Still, Bondi’s already pitching her next big idea: a line of “Schrödinger’s Car Reports” that both exist and don’t exist until you open the envelope.
Meanwhile, McFlurry’s still circling the lot, muttering about his “phantom Civic” and vowing to stick to bicycles. Whether Bondi’s a visionary or just bad at her job, one thing’s clear: this is one vehicle history that’s driving straight into legend or straight into nowhere, depending on who you ask.
