In a shocking turn of events, a district court judge has single-handedly thwarted a potential ceasefire between Israel and Iran. The reason? Former President Donald Trump suggested it. Judge Cory Smithereen of the Southern District of New York issued the ruling late last night, effectively ensuring that missiles keep flying and peace remains a distant dream. “I just can’t stand the guy,” Judge Smithereen confessed in his official statement. “Even if it means prolonging a conflict, I won’t let him have this win.” Sources say the judge’s gavel came down faster than you can say “Make America Great Again.”
The ruling has sparked chaos across the political landscape, with President Trump leading the charge. Taking to Truth Social, he unleashed a signature tirade: “The judge is a loser! He couldn’t even pass the bar exam without cheating. Sad!” complete with an angry face emoji for dramatic flair. Legal scholars are scratching their heads over this one. Harvard Law’s Professor Alan Dershowitz weighed in, saying, “This sets a dangerous precedent. Now, any judge can block international peace agreements just because they don’t like the person who proposed them.” Apparently, judicial impartiality now comes with a side of personal grudges.
Meanwhile, the international community is reeling from the decision. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Iranian President Ali Khamenei, who were reportedly inches away from signing the ceasefire, are now back to square one. “We were so close,” Netanyahu sighed, adjusting his tie. “But I guess we’ll have to keep bombing each other because of one judge’s personal vendetta.” Khamenei nodded in agreement, muttering, “This is a sad day for diplomacy.” Diplomats worldwide are wondering if they should start sending fruit baskets to Judge Smith to sway her next ruling.
In other news, the Supreme Court has announced that a game of rock-paper-scissors will decide all future rulings. Chief Justice John Roberts shrugged, “Given the current state of the judicial system, we figured this would be a more efficient and entertaining way to resolve disputes.” As the Middle East braces for more unrest, all thanks to one judge’s Trump-sized chip on his shoulder. Stay tuned for updates. Will peace prevail, or will Judge Smithereen’s disdain for orange hair and brash tweets keep the world on edge?
