“I’m A Lawyer!” Says Woman While Stealing Chuck E. Cheese Tickets From Child.
In a bold display of legal expertise at a local family entertainment center, a woman confidently declared her professional credentials while liberating a handful of game tickets from a young…
New Nametags: Bill Gates Hires Illegal Truck Drivers In Effort To Decrease America’s Population.
In a jaw-dropping scheme that’s got conspiracy theorists swapping tinfoil hats for trucker caps, tech mogul Bill Gates is reportedly hiring undocumented drivers to pilot big rigs across America, allegedly…
Establishment Elephant Switches Sides Mid-Parade For Better Hay.
In a political spectacle that’s left spectators gobsmacked, a prominent establishment elephant has trumpeted its defection mid-parade, lumbering from one side of the aisle to the other in pursuit of…
Republican Congress Member Pioneers New Daycare Strategy: Children In Coal Mines
In a bold move that’s got everyone talking, the Republican congresswoman has proudly announced she’s the first to enroll her own offspring in the underground workforce, kicking off what she…
Blue State Utopia: Free Healthcare, But Only If You Recycle Your Thoughts.
In the sun-dappled streets of Blue State Utopia, a groundbreaking policy has locals grinning through their mandatory mindfulness sessions: free healthcare for all, but only if you recycle your thoughts.…
Government To Shred Papers Labeled “Confidential” To Prevent Confidential Information From Leaking
In a move that’s sure to revolutionize data security, officials have announced a groundbreaking plan to tackle the persistent problem of sensitive information slipping out. Picture this: stacks of documents,…
GOP Fury: Congresswoman Pushes Toddler’s ‘Equity’ Run for Congress.
In a stunning display of forward-thinking politics, a prominent congresswoman has unveiled her latest initiative: propelling her own toddler into the race for a congressional seat, all under the banner…
Briefing Room Changes: Less Seats, Less Comfort, More Work Done.
In a surprising move that’s got everyone in the White House press corps adjusting their postures, the presidential briefing room has undergone a radical redesign aimed at streamlining operations. Gone…
New Presidential Candidate For 2028: President Donita Trumpita To Put Her Name In To Vote For.
From the shadows comes a certain real estate mogul, Donita Trumpita. She has catapulted into the 2028 presidential race with a purple wig that screams, “I’m here to ask for…
ICE Templars To Roll Out: Immigration Officers To Start Wearing Templar Armor To Defend Against Rocks.
In a bold move straight out of a medieval fever dream, Immigration and Customs Enforcement has announced its latest initiative: the ICE Templars program. Starting next month, agents will reportedly…
